Unfortunately, most people only change after they have experienced a significant amount of uncomfortable or shall I say pain.  I am not sure nor do I spend time in analysis wondering why someone’s character requires pain to get them willing to change.

October of 2016, I posted my first Instagram picture.  This was a big deal for me, as I didn’t even have a Facebook page at the time.  However, due to an awareness that the day job which had been going strong for 15 years wasn’t working anymore, I knew a change had to happen.

This above picture was on my way to work one morning. I pondered at the enormous amount of traffic. I knew this was one of the many reasons I wanted to become my own boss.  How precious is your time? I thought.  I have always just “squeezed” everything and everyone into my day, and felt somewhat good at it. That alone was a problem.  Sometimes we become so accustomed to our routine and habits we don’t realize there is an easier, healthier way to do things.

I have 3 daughters from my first marriage, 2 step sons from my second.  Still married to husband #2.  I work a full-time job, I work out 4-6 times a week for an hour a day, I started back to school online at Arizona University (I do 1 class at a time, and do not take every semester, I take this one with ease) and currently have 12 women I mentor and coach who have recovered from alcoholism and addiction.  I have been running this schedule minus the schooling & the exercising (1 year, and 3 years respectively) for over 10 years.  Quite frankly, I just make it fucking happen.

However, amidst all of that I realized after having a huge awakening in regards to my other 40 hours a week, my passion wasn’t in bill collecting.  This is the industry I have been in for over 20 years.  But what do I do with this kind of realization?  I had no college education, I was 41 when the realization occurred, what do I do?  Fuck.

The question was extremely overwhelming, simply because I knew it was going to require a lot of work to become someone else.  It was going to require being uncomfortable all the time with a learning curve in new areas I had no experience in.  Such as Instagram and Facebook.  I now understand, 3 years into this why it seems like people just “arrive” one day and you know who they are, they seem rich and happy, they have it all.  The reality is 99% of them had been busting their ass behind the scenes for years before they made it.  They deserve every bit of success that has come their way.  We didn’t hear about the struggle and the strife as it was occurring, they were surviving.

So, what was inside of them to make them grind daily?  This is the deal breaker my friends.  This is the key to forward progress.  The gut instinct you never give up on that is telling you to keep going, that there is something bigger you are to do.  It’s their why.

The picture above is one of the many things I have used over the last 3 years to keep moving forward. I use reminders like this daily to remind me why I don’t want to work a 8-5:30 anymore.  But I gotta work for it, and I don’t need to be dramatic and quit the job right away.  Things like this are a reminder to not give in when all I want to do is sit down and watch a movie, to not become overwhelmed with parent guilt when I explain to my kids why I’m going back to school, therefore study time might take away from our evening time.  To wake up at 4 am so I can pray and turn everything over to my universe, praying for those people who I’d love to tell to go to hell, but instead understand the universe operates in my favor when I respond with love vs. react with fear.

What is your why?  If you are anything like me, you have several.  Today, for me, besides not feeling any passion at the day job, I am needing to be home with my kids.  Especially my youngest – she is 10, and the nanny is no longer available.  She has siblings at home after school, but no parent home with her to give her attention.  Another is my mom and dad.  Humble people, who live in a small town in Nebraska.  They are 77, and not getting younger.  I want to be able to provide the potential elderly care they will need to help provide comfort in their upcoming years.  Financial for me personally, ironically isn’t on the table, but the real why, the real thing that keeps me headed in the right direction is I am convinced I am supposed to help thousands, and be of service to my God on levels I cannot even comprehend right now.  It’s a calling, and I am not sure how it will manifest, but I am in preparation for it.  Day in, Day out, commute after commute.  Conversation after conversation.

This isn’t an easy goal.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  I have cried more times in the last 3 years, so much it was comparable to when I got sober 17 years ago, and when I went through my divorce.  You see, I realize today I am becoming an entrepreneur, and all the crying is the letting go of the old me.  I embrace every tear, for I’m getting cleansed.  Always, remembering my why.

Faith, patience, and hell of a lot of hard work my friend.

Enjoy your journey, you only have one, you are worth it!

Susan Denee

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