“I swear, as soon as I walk in the door, he wants to know what I am doing, where I have been, it’s like I can’t breathe! To which I replied “Yes, early sobriety for a relationship is a bitch, but it is doable.” As several of you who have read my blogs, or my writings know my inspiration to live life and teach others from my experience comes from helping women in sobriety for 20 years. Having said that, all life growth no matter if you drink or not is applicable for all of us as we are all human.
For any relationship, the “where are you, what are you doing, how long will you be gone?” can be overwhelming and stressful for a self-professed “independent” person. For those of us who carry a sort of “I like to do my own thing, I like to have my alone time, I feel like I could live my entire life by myself, thank you very much” – questions about what we are doing and when we are doing it, can feel intrusive as if they are intended to create a trap to which we cannot spring, or from which we need to be assholes to spring from. Neither of which represent a loving partnership from the independent side.
What do we do? Well, I could write book on this topic all by itself but for now I’m going to stick to 5 steps to help with the love and balance BEFORE you walk in the door to the happy home you intended for when initially singing up for the relationship. Ultimately, before you drop your crazy on the relationship. These steps can help whenever transitioning from one mode to another. For example, long day away from home for work, or after returning home after a trip, or returning to the relationship after a difficult argument. Give yourself space to realign with your highest self.
- Remember why you are in the relationship. Recall the attributes of the partner you have chosen to be with. Then ask yourself, why am I so resistant to these questions? Is it maybe that they truly care for me? If they weren’t asking me, would I be worried they didn’t care anymore?
- Appreciate the relationship and all that it brings to you. Appreciate the partnership, the attention, the love, the sex, the cooperation with the duties of the home. Appreciate the frustration because it helps you identify more within you requiring your attention. This isn’t about changing them, it’s about changing you. Where do you need to adjust to either move on, or stay, love and learn to be open to a new way of looking at the relationship.
- Gratitude before you engage in what you think is happening in the relationship. Be grateful for them being with you, grateful for the laughs you have shared, the outings you have done together, the times when they said the right thing at the right time leaving you feeling loved, safe, and appreciated. Grateful for small moments, the cup of coffee they got for you in the morning, the jacket they handed you when you were cold, the appliance they fixed when you didn’t ask.
- Bless the home, or vision only love and peace for your home with your partner. Before you enter the home, touch the doorway, bless it – “I bless this home and all that is within it. I bless my partner, my pets, my home.”
- 3 deep breaths after the above steps have been done. Take three deep breaths – in through the nose, out through the mouth. Ending with a thank you to you and your highest self for aligning before you enter your home.
Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!