Growthspurting Archives - Susan Denee

You are worthy of the life you desire.

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:59:15 +0000

Personal worth – the level at which someone deserves to be valued. Guess what? The deserving part starts with you telling yourself you deserve value.

When we experience ongoing, nagging emotional heaviness in a specific area of our life, we intuitively know we need to make a new decision then the intuitiveness combines with the logical; “If it isn’t working, take a different direction”. Logical – right? But why is that so hard? We get stuck in the past decisions, the past results. We see our past everywhere in front of us and for some odd reason it feels secure. It feels safe. We cling to the comfortable and the predictable life we have established up to that point, and we can’t deny it’s not feeling good anymore.

Aren’t you worth a new experience? Aren’t you worth that new relationship? That new job? What about your health; aren’t you worth a new body? Aren’t you worth spending the money for the education, the new toy – especially when you know you can afford it?

Any decision I have paused for a long time over I always knew it was a matter of me not trusting I am worth a new experience. I could combine this lack of worth trust with lack of faith – but for this conversation I had to have continuous conversations with myself that I was worth the decision. It seems silly at times that my life is mine to live but I will hold off on decisions for fear of how my decision will affect others – resulting in me being miserable and thinking others need me to do something for them to be happy? How egotistical and bullshit that is!

So for today, I am worthy of my business, of my education, of my relationship, and I am worthy to make whatever decisions I need to make to be happy. At the end of this journey, it will be me and the earth – all those folks I seemingly were living my life for won’t be there, it’s up to be to determine my worthiness and it’s up to you to direct your life to the next level of peace and satisfaction for you.

Enjoy the journey, you are WORTH it!

The post You are worthy of the life you desire. appeared first on Susan Denee.

Self-reflection. What is yours to own in this situation?

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:55:33 +0000

When I was 7 years sober, I was facing a divorce after 11 years of marriage and 3 daughters together. It was one of the most painful experiences I have experienced in my past. One day after attending a recovery meeting (group of alcoholics and addicts sharing their experience, strength, and hope with one another to support one another in continuous sobriety) we went out breakfast, a usual get together where we all bonded and continued our meeting. It was always a good time.
That day I shared in the meeting about my upcoming divorce, the pain I was in, etc. It was a heartbreaking time for me, it felt big – almost unbearable. During our breakfast, this wonderful, wise old -timer (person with long term sobriety – I think he had over 20 years sobriety at the time) was sitting next to me at the breakfast table. He was a rancher, a cowboy – and one of the most joyful individuals I would listen to back then. When he shared, he expressed humor while simultaneously combining it with a painful experience. He was a gift to listen to. That day at breakfast he leaned over and simply stated “It just ain’t comfortable anymore”. At the end of the day after much debate, struggle, efforts in making the marriage work; it came down to “It just ain’t comfortable no more”. Did I think my ex-husband had his part – absolutely, but I also knew I had my part, and between the two of us it just wasn’t comfortable anymore.

For you, if there is an ending to a relationship in your life today – it could be as simple as it’s just not comfortable anymore, and it’s time for a new experience; an exciting experience that will give to you in ways you never knew life could give to you.

Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!

The post Self-reflection. What is yours to own in this situation? appeared first on Susan Denee.

Owning your crazy is a step in the right direction.

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:46:01 +0000

What happens when you become overwhelmed? Are you easily irritated? Do you blame others for not doing a better job, therefore resulting in you doing more work? Do you shut down; emotionally and mentally and stop working?

What do you do when you feel judged? Maybe you have compared your insides to other’s outsides and found yourself on the low end of the ledger? Do you mire in misery for a few days? Do you verbally complain about the unfortunate circumstances you have found yourself in?

Take a brief personal inventory of YOU when conditions are not responding to you in the way you would prefer. How do you react to life not giving what you think it should?
What Crazy emotional reaction is continually holding you back from being your best self? Have you become acquainted with your unique form of crazy, AND are you familiar enough with it that you own it? Once the fire alarm of crazy goes off in your head or your actions how quick are you to own it, and stop the train from crashing?

For me, I will not experience personal expansion until I tame the wild stallion of crazy running in my life at that moment. It could be relationship, health, or financial crazy. Who am I when the crazy alarm is going off? Do I absolutely 100% own my crazy? There is no moving through it until I own it. What about you?

Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!

The post Owning your crazy is a step in the right direction. appeared first on Susan Denee.

What can you see if you just stop for a second to look?

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:42:10 +0000

The rotating dilemmas of life usually signify for me that my perspective, thoughts, and ideas are stale. They are the same ole ones still serving up the same results. Isn’t it true when we feel like we are stuck in a pit of depression or pit of blah we need someone else’s help getting us out of the pit? Albert Einstein’s famous quote “No problem can be solved with the same consciousness that created it”, speaks directly to this exact scenario.

My life a few months back needed a second look. It had been several years since I sat with a therapist asking for their analyzation of me, but I knew it was time to return. After my dad passed from COVID-19, I realized upon returning to my home to Washington State where I felt safe and protected from COVID with masks and social distancing, that in addition to the grief of the loss and the stress of handling the affairs, I had been living in paranoid fear of catching the virus in their home state. I had been emersed in stress – the stress of yet another COVID surge, the relentless political debates, the witnessing of a man being held to the ground and killed by an officer of the law mean to protect him. As chaos ensued, my fear resulted in panic attacks, unknown physical ailments, and the onset of early menopause. Stress hormones are no joke. I thought I was losing my fucking mind; the grasp in which I held my life seemed to slip. I wanted to tell myself “what’s wrong, keep a positive outlook, this too shall pass, one day at a time”, yet the feelings of depression and panic were overwhelming. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but it felt scary.

Within the last few months of seeing my therapist, I have had more AHA moments and complete lifting of depressing and debilitating fearful emotions than I can count as I write this. I needed a new perspective – I needed help. My past was continuing to get lived into the future – day after day. My old ideas on several areas of my life including professional, relationships, grieving, and family have been tossed away as a new system of perspective is actively downloading. AND IT FEELS FANTASTIC!

For you today, how are you? Has your foundation been rocked lately? Maybe you are the one to offer new insight to someone else, or you are like me and need the new insight. A past mentor of mine used to say “we sometimes are the weak link, and we sometimes are the strong link” – this is life. The work ALWAYS begins with us. A new decision to do things differently, to gain a new today is only a second away. Second look anyone?

Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!

The post What can you see if you just stop for a second to look? appeared first on Susan Denee.

How are you allowing other’s crazy affect you?

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:36:58 +0000

Sometimes when I read my past writings, I think “I needed to hear that today” and I smile at the irony – it is me talking to me. This one though “How are others crazy affecting me” – well one of my light bulb moments (my way of describing when a new perception is instantly emotionally downloaded resulting in relief of my insanity) was me waking up to the idea that somewhere along the last 6 years I voluntarily surrendered my voice, especially professionally.

As a result of relationship trauma, we can fight or we can flight. For me, I said “fuck it” if they don’t want to listen, I won’t share. “the battle is obnoxious and makes no sense and I’m tired of not being heard.” – As much as I felt I was making a defining decision to survive the predicament I found myself in, I voluntarily gave in to what I perceive to be other’s crazy. I was not delusional, there were actions of others carrying the scent of misogynistic disarray.
Our crazy is unique to us. The amount of tolerance I can portray to carry regarding certain conditions is dysfunctionally impressive if there is such a thing. The feeling of guilt and shame were underlying my daily involvement working in such conditions, and I chose to wear their emotional jackets of patriarchy not realizing or admitting to myself that is what was happening. Today, I’ve been awakened yet again and this time honoring that I too can be the victim of others’ crazy. Until I experience exactly what I need to experience in order to have a new experience with my crazy, my thoughts, and my emotions will stay on that hamster wheel until I learn how to jump off.

For today, if your emotions regarding a particular area of your life are continually heavy and you feel you’ve done everything in your power to heal an area of your life, but it doesn’t seem to turn around, perhaps you are carrying the weight of someone else’s crazy. I personally needed help from another individual to help me see the veil of emotional ignorance I was living under.
And why do we do all this work? Because life is about growing and embracing the difficult moments to relish in the beautiful.

Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!

The post How are you allowing other’s crazy affect you? appeared first on Susan Denee.

Grow or stay right where you are. The choice is yours.

admin — Fri, 15 Oct 2021 08:32:19 +0000

Even as reread the words again “Grow or stay right where you are, the choice is yours” my body felt strong resonation with the idea of how debilitating it felt to stay where I am at. I always choose growth, and it hasn’t consistently been altruistically aligned with spiritual growth, sometimes it’s been ambition crazy growth – both offer new ideas and perceptions; however, the latter tends to cost more and not in a happy joyous way – more of a “I gotta do this to feel good about me” way and it’s not the most fulfilling – but does feel good.

We are invariably growing, evolving, maturing, and experiencing – and most of us might not even realize it’s happening. Whether it’s having a new baby and becoming a parent, embracing the newness of committed responsibility combined with physical, mental, and emotional endurance you didn’t even realize a new baby requires to acquiring the new job which comes with new personalities to understand and new job skills to apply to enduring one of the most memorable years as an individual emotionally surviving a pandemic – growth. Susan David, PHD defines Emotional Agility as being flexible with your thoughts and feelings so that you can respond optimally to everyday situations. Growth takes agility.

I only want joy. That’s all. Recently, someone messaged me “It seems like you are seeking something” And I thought – well Hell yes! Always, seeking to grasp the next level of growth for me. If you reflect in your life, you will see where you have inevitably moved forward, because let’s face it there’s no going back. Even if I unknowingly sought growth in my sad feelings or my misery – I have chosen to massage that ugly emotion until it no longer serves me, then I start to make changes – to grow. I refuse to give into mundane, paralyzing anxiety or dullness in life – and that is all I need to know to pick up the energy and try something different to change the course.

My prior 6 months have been some of the most challenging and gut wrenching of my life. From watching a parent die of covid while simultaneously hitting menopause and not in a kind of warm up phase – but full on no more hormone production and physical ailments combined with grieving. Days where I could not get off the couch. But I knew this too shall pass all I need to do is the next indicated step. (thank you for the rooms of recovery by the way for the wise advice still saving my ass almost 20 years clean). I know to keep pushing forward, the relief – the AHA moment, the joy will come. It’s on its way. Keep trudging. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Push through – you’ve got this. You are an amazing machine of growth – the universes intention for you is joy – you will play again.

So, for you today – embrace that you too choose growth – you always have, otherwise things in your life would never change – even if the change seems insignificant like the Netflix show you are binging or the new restaurant you tried – you still changed your mind.

We are meant to create and grow – that is the joy of being us. Enjoy the journey, you are worth it!

The post Grow or stay right where you are. The choice is yours. appeared first on Susan Denee.